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How To Keep Crazy Family Members From Ruining Your Christmas Holidays

OK, here's the final two principles on the 10 fail-prof ways to keep a crazy family member from ruining your Christmas holiday.  If you'll take just a sec, you can think of the person I'm talking about.  If you can't, you, are the crazy family member.  LOL

9.  Get It Off Your Chest:  As soon as your Christmas gatherings are over, call a trusted friend and vent.  More than likely something will be said or someone will behave in a way that drives you insane.  It’s unhealthy for your future relationships, as well as for you personally, to hold your feelings in. 

10.  Remember The Reason For the Season:  When the stress and demands of this Christmas holiday start getting the best of you, remind yourself what this time is all about.  It’s a celebration of the birth of a baby that changed human existence, God’s only son, Jesus Christ. 1 John 4:9 “God has shown His love for us by sending His only Son into the world so that we could have life through Him.”   It’s a time to reflect on all the things we are grateful for.  It’s a time to love, appreciate and accept others for who they are, not for who they should be.  It’s a time to smile.

My prayer for you and yours is that you have the best-Christmas-holiday-you-have-ever-had.  By the way, between the turkey and the pumpkin pie, if you get a chance, jet me an e-mail and let me know how everything is going. 

Merry Christmas!

How To Keep Crazy Family Members From Ruining Your Christmas Holidays

Here is numbers 7 and 8, of the 10 fail-prof ways on how to keep the family Scrooge from ruining your Christmas. 

7.Put the ‘fun’ back in dysfunctional: The ‘fun’ is extracted from "dysfunctional" when we try to change our difficult and annoying family members.  You’re headed for Bluesville if your agenda this year is to win others to your point of view.  

To ensure "fun" stays in "dysfunctional" remember: The only person you have the license or ability to change is, you.  When something happens over Christmas dinner this year, remind yourself, “they are not my assignment.” If your mother always criticizes your choice of clothes or your brother always makes rude jokes about your spouse, don't expect them to change their habits; just have a sense of humor about it and remind yourself what you love about them. 

8.Tame Your Tongue:  Watch your snappy comments or snide remarks.  Don’t bring up past situations or controversial subjects.  I want to give you a Christmas vacation challenge:  Let everything you say to others this holiday season be encouraging and positive;  no excuses.

How To Keep Crazy Family Members From Ruining Your Christmas Holidays

OK, maybe you and your family have never been on The Jerry Springer Show, but you’re not exactly The Brady Bunch either.

Here are numbers 5 and 6 of the 10 fail-proof principles that will insure a wonderful Christmas break. 

5.Lower your expectations:  If you’re like me, you have probably been forced to watch every Hallmark Christmas movie known to man (thanks Melinda).  In these movies, everyone is smiling, Christmas is great and every relational riff is calmed before the credits roll.  Hello-it’s Hollywood.  Don’t expect your family to follow the movie script. 

6.Exercise Your Empathy:  If you will remember, empathy is the ability to stand in another’s shoes and understand why they are, the way they are.  This has been one of the greatest coping skills I have ever employed in dealing with difficult relationships.  It empowers you to overlook their stupid statements, quirky ways and bad attitudes and actually have genuine compassion for them. The Bible says in Ephesians 4:32 “Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ, God forgave you."

How To Keep Crazy Family Members From Ruining Your Christmas Holidays

Everyone has that one difficult family member they will have to interact with over the Christmas Holidays. An overbearing parent, spoiled nephew, sibling who lets their kids scream and run wild at the family gatherings, or an obnoxious uncle. 

Here are numbers 3 and 4 in the 10 fail-proof principles that will insure a wonderful Christmas break. 

3.Take responsibility for your experience:  It’s your job, not your relatives, to ensure that you enjoy holiday happiness.  You must define the win for your life.  For example, maybe there are particular family members that you only feel comfortable interacting with in a group setting.  Others may be more amiable one-on-one.  Set time limits.  Could you go into the family gathering with a better attitude if you knew you were leaving in 2 hours?  Once you have these decisions in place, you will feel emotionally safe which will free you to enjoy your time.

4.Don’t take things personal:  Refuse to be offended.  In the scripture, the apostle Paul talks about being dead to self.  This is great holiday advice.  You see, you can’t hurt a dead man.  You can’t make a dead man mad.  Relax and enjoy your time off.

How To Keep Crazy Family Members From Ruining Your Christmas Holidays

OK, maybe you and your family have never been on The Jerry Springer Show but you’re not exactly The Brady Bunch either.

Everyone has that one difficult family member they will have to interact with over the Christmas Holidays. An overbearing parent, spoiled nephew, sibling who lets their kids scream and run wild at the family gatherings, or an obnoxious uncle. 

This week I'll share 10 fail-proof principles that will insure a wonderful Christmas break. 

1.  Harness Your Holiday Hope: To start this off, we’re going to be talking about hope even though most difficult relationships seem so hopeless.   This verse is really the goal of all of us, the hopeful goal we’re after.  1 John 4:7 “Dear friends, let us love one another for love comes from God.”

2.  Go In With A Game Plan:  Those who fail to plan, plan to fail (Proverbs 29:18).  Don’t wait until your crazy cousin has you backed into a corner wanting to know your thoughts on global warming before you think-through a holiday familial survival-strategy.  Seriously, give some thought ahead of time of how you will handle certain subjects if they come up.

5 Secrets To Becoming Thank-Full

How do you overcome life's most difficult challenges?  While going through trying times, what makes the difference between those who breakdowns verses those who breakthrough?  Well, I believe one of the most powerful secrets is the ability to be "thankful"!

Real quick, here are 5 secrets to becoming a more grateful person.

1.  Recognize and focus on what you "do have" instead of what you "don't have".  What you focus on magnifies.  If you are constantly focusing on how blessed you are, your blessings begin to multiply making you a more joyful and thankful individual.

2.  Keep a Blessing Journal.  Write down everything you are thankful for....down to the air that you breathe.  When someone does something special for you (E.g.Buys you lunch, opens the door for you, smiles at you, etc.) post that in your blessing journal.  Then,especially when you are down or discouraged, go back and read through your journal. This alone, will make you a more grateful person.

3. Discover how rich you really are.  Earlier this year I did a message series on how rich we are compared to the rest of the world.  Alot of people don't think they're rich because they don't feel rich.  Others,don't realize how rich they are because they always compare themselves to people who have more than them, instead of focusing on those who have less than them.  Check out www.globalrichlist.com and in just a few seconds you will find out how blessed you really are. By the way, I'm the 107,458th richest person on the globe! Talk about a guy who should be thankful!!!!!

4.  Understand how great your life really is.  Historically, the average life expectancy has been 25-35 years old (those years were usually filled with trouble, heartache and poverty).  Now,the average life expectancy for an individual in America is approximately 72 years! Even if your facing some type of disease or illness, you are surrounded with the best medicine and the greatest medical knowledge of all time!  It's estimated that 106 billion people have lived on the earth since it was created.  Presently there are 6.5 billion people walking the planet.  Based off this information, coupled with your answer from #3, I say you live better, and have a more prosperous life, than 99% of the people who have "ever" lived on planet earth!  Are you feeling more thankful yet?

5.  Be deliberate about becoming more grateful.  Being thankful and becoming a more grateful person doesn't just happen. In fact, it goes against the grain of our natural tendencies.  It takes prayer,discipline,hard work,mental hygiene and, most of the time, significant life-style changes to become a truly grateful individual.  Practically how does this play out?: Refuse to hang around negative people; take control of all your thoughts, watch what you say (E.g. griping, complaining, criticizing, etc.).

These 5 secrets of gratitude will place you way ahead of the pack on becoming the person God intended you to be.  To all my friends, family members, and even my enemies,..........I am thankful for you. 

Happy Thanksgiving and may God's best be yours.

 

It Ain't Easy, But It's Right

It's Monday morning.  I'm getting ready to go "full-steam" ahead!   

Even for a pastor, it isn't always easy but it's always right.  I'm talking about faithfully attending a Lifegroup.

I'll admit---attending a small group every week is a sacrifice. Sure, some weeks there's other things I would like to be doing. Other weeks, I feel too tired to attend. But, after doing what's right, I'm always glad that I gathered with "my people".

Here's something I’ve learned: When I’m willing to make that small sacrifice, great 
things happen.  Remember last week when I shared Hebrews 10:23-24.  Group life is about this verse – I want to be unswerving in my faithfulness to God.

Hope to c u tomorrow right here on Filter

4 Keys On How To Go Through Rough Times

"Behold, I have refined thee, but not with silver; I have chosen thee in the furnace of affliction"  Isaiah 48:10

Isaiah said that God would choose us IN the FURNACE OF AFFLICTION.  What's up with that?  Let's find out real quick.

4 Observations about Pain (The furnace of affliction)

1.  The normal response of a human being is to avoid pain. We want to avoid pain at all cost.  

2.  Pain can actually be a good thing. Hit finger with a hammer, touch the stove.  You get the picture.

3.  Some people are addicted to the attraction of pain due to the attention they get because of their pain.  Have you ever met anyone who is always going through the furnace fire of affliction?  These are the ones that when you ask them "How are you doing?" and then an hour later when they are still explaining how bad things are you say to yourself "You idiot!"  "What was you thinking?"  LOL

4.  Pain causes a question in us.  Here is the biggie that I really want you to hone in on.  Pain causes us to question “Why”.  “Why am I going through this?"  “What did I do to deserve this?”   “Why is God doing this to me?”  “What is causing this trouble?”  You can look around and others can be in the exact situation you’re going through-------- but their not experiencing the pain.

Now, if we really believe that God leads us, we must believe that God sometimes leads us into the furnace—into the pain.  Now let's get this clear up front.  I'm not talking about sickness or disease.    Affliction means trouble. Issues. Difficult circumstances.  Hard times. 

The devil doesn’t have the power to order my steps.   So if God is leading me, I can have confidence.  The trick with most people is that they wait for pleasant circumstances before they recapture their praise.  Before they regroup their faith.  

But I say that the praise on the mountain top is not nearly as powerful as the praise from the furnace of affliction.  It’s as important, but not as mighty.  Ever once and a while you have to make a determination that there is one thing the devil can’t have---------------your praise.  Come good times --come bad times.  You need a praise that stands up on it’s own.  A praise that doesn’t need anything but a breath.  I may not have a friend but I have my breath.  I may not be happy right now-------but I have a praise!  If you're breathing, you should be praising.

Whatever you're going through know this----------------There is a reason for this season!  I'll tell you more next time!

4 Fabulous Tips On How To Keep Your Kids Off The Dr. Phil Show

Tip # 4  

Friend vs Parent

This is probably the hardest one of the 4 for me.  I love my boys so much that I hate to see them unhappy.  But, I realized early on, that my goal of their constant happiness, was creating little monsters and was driving Melinda and I crazy!  LOL   

Being your child’s best friend, and being your child’s best parent, sometimes, is an impossible position to hold simultaneously.  In fact, there will be a lot of times when the two are diametrically opposed.  So, what’s a loving parent supposed to do? 

Here are a few secrets that have really helped Melinda and I to find this balance:

1.    Remind yourself, constantly, your number one job is NOT to be their friend, it’s to be their parent.  

2.    Your kids will have hundreds of friends.  But, they only have one daddy  and/or one mommy.  

3.    If you’ll be their parent now, one day you’ll be their friend as well.  If you focus on being their friend now, you may lose both positions of parent and friend in the future.

4.    No matter how difficult, I’ll be their parent first and then if I get to be their friend--------- I ‘ll consider it a bonus.

5.  During difficult seasons with your children, parent with your head first, and your heart second.    

6.  God has promised to help me and assist me in raising my children and that my seed (sons and daughters) will be mighty on the earth.

Have a great day and with great confidence lead your children into a great life!  ;-)

Oh, and by the way, you can thank me later for keeping you "out of Dr. Phil's chair", and your child "off of Dr. Phil's knee".  ;-)

4 Fabulous Tips On How To Keep Your Kids Off The Dr. Phil Show

TIP # 3 

ENVIRONMENT

Fish need water.  Humans need oxygen.  Your children need---- the home.  Environment.  Atmosphere.  This is what matters.  A child's future is determined by 3 main elements:  1.)  Genes  2.) Environment and 3.) Choices.  You want to create an environment where your children can become their best!

Here are 4 basic elements of presence you can focus on that will really help:

1.    Create an atmosphere in your home that automatically brings the best out of your kids.

2.    Focus on the real needs of the driving force of their heart.  Security, purpose and love.   

3.    Build character , the metal strength on the inside, that would give them resilience.

4.    Aim them in the right way.  Not toward “success” but toward the high life that Jesus spoke about (Jn. 10).

These elements will equip your kids to process stress, temptation, negative influences and fulfill their God-given destiny here on earth. 

It would be cool to meet Dr. Phil.  But....... no one, I know, wants to grace his stage. I'm jus sayin....

Melinda and I are right there, in the trenches, with you.  We can do this!